Skin and Juice

Last day of July. Finally started a real internship doing actual research *crosses it off the bucket list* . Loving pediatrics. Need to meet and shadow docs at my hospital. 15 more credit hours til my masters degree. School starts in a couple of weeks. Need all A’s. MCAT in September. Worried I don’t have enough time/discipline to study well, as usual. Need a 32 or better. Procrastination. Kidneys are worrying me. Need well paying job for January. Sleepy. Goodnight!

PS…need a bc that doesn’t mess with my mood (see the previous post). Yikes.

I’m at a point where all I want to do is be ME. I wish there was a place that I could go, if only for 5 minutes at a time, and exist just the way I am. I just want to escape from the pressure of having to tweak my personality or my appearance just to avoid being labeled. I’m tired of having to defend and explain myself. I’m exhausted. I just want to be accepted the way I am right now, without changes or enhancements. If only such a space existed. While I may not be able to create a space like that for myself (barring complete isolation), I will try my hardest to be a person whose judgement other people don’t have to fear. When people are around me I want them to feel loved, protected, and free to be who they are. I’ll add that to my to-do list.

Well, well, well. 2014 is just about halfway through. As I sit and think about my 2014 resolutions, I can feel a little pride well up in my chest. Like the saying goes, “I’m not where I want to be, but thank God I’m not where I used to be.” I finished the semester with 4 A’s and one shoulda-woulda-coulda-been-an-A, B+. That B+ really stings because I missed two assignment deadlines during the last week of the semester simply because I misread the due dates. To add insult to injury, my teacher gave an extra 2 points for attendance during the one class of the semester that I didn’t attend. Those two points would’ve ensured an A- even with the missed deadlines. Even still, I haven’t had grades like that since I was in undergrad. It feels good to set a goal and to attain it. Even though I technically didn’t attain my goal of all A’s, 5/6 ain’t bad. I won’t be totally satisfied until I get my all A’s during the fall (and final!) semester of my program, though. I did secure a research position for the summer, and I’m proud of that as well. One of my biggest regrets from undergrad was that I never held an internship, so this gives me a chance to correct that in addition to giving me a wealth of experience and opportunity while beefing up my med school app and fulfilling my master’s program requirements. It’s a win-win situation.

Next up on my plate is MCAT prep and Beyonce! My bf got us tickets to Bey and Jay’s concert in Philly and I’m freakin’ excited. This was the best gift ever. I can’t wait. I don’t know which part made me more excited, the fact that I’m going or the fact that he’s treating. I’m not a materialistic person. I realize that all the material possessions that we acquire during our time on earth will not come with us after we take our last breath. “Things” come and go. Furthermore, I’ve never been impressed by a man whose only claim to fame is what he can buy for me. Boasting about what you can buy me is actually a turn-off for me. Any idiot can win the lottery. What good is money if you don’t have the good sense to spend it wisely? I digress. But nevertheless, when he bought those tickets, it was like in that moment a light bulb went off and I was able to see the growth he’s made since we first got together almost four years ago. I had to take a step back and catch my breath. I liked that shit. Though this was just a small gift that he probably didn’t think twice about, to me it seemed like a representative milestone for him. Granted, buying concert tickets is not a life-altering event, but in a way it took him buying those tickets for me to see the growth that had occurred right under my nose throughout our little 4 years. I was proud of him. I hope that I set off a light bulb that will allow him to see growth in me as well.

Now, that I’ve gushed about a concert, I guess I’ll mention this MCAT, which is like a damn demon on my back! I really just want to study my ass off, take the exam, then double over in gratitude when I receive an unbelievably high score and just be done with it. The test is changing and lengthening significantly after January of 2015, so I want to get my dream score before that point. This will be the 4^th time I take this exam. My 2011 attempt, though misguided, got me into my master’s program and thankfully will drop off of my record this year. I took the exam in January against my better judgment and regret my decision every time it crosses my mind. The MCAT is not an exam that you take cold turkey, yet that is exactly what I did. That horrible January score makes it even more important for me to get an exceptional score this next and final go-round. Med school admissions is no joke! It’s do or die! I have a study schedule put together to prepare, but I struggle with sticking to it. I’m going to hire a tutor this week not only to help with learning material, but with holding me accountable for working on my own.

This was an unexpectedly long post, but like I said in the title, minus the bullshit life’s great (a lil throwback jeezy for the ’99 and the 2000, lol!). For the next half of the year my only resolution is to build on the foundation that I’ve laid. 2014 is my year of completion and doing and I feel like I spent the first half of the year putting myself in position to get it ALL done. I’m dancin’ and emphasizin’!!

I’m still soaking up spring. I just ended the semester and now I’m transitioning into summer work and study. Today was my first day back home so I decided to buy some flowers for my room here. I let my niece pick them out and I think she did a pretty good job. I surprised her when I came home so she’s been super excited. I hope her excitement wears off by tomorrow because she’s about to talk me into a delirium! Gotta love 10 year olds! Lol.

I can’t believe that it’s already the last day of April. This month has been sort of a whirlwind. I started it off on spring break with a staycation with my friends, and now I have a week left in the semester. My birthday challenge was basically a bust, but that’s ok. Try, try again, right? I made my first Easter dinner and visited NYC last week. I’ve gotten back into reading and now I’m finishing my 3rd book this month. I forgot how much I loved to read. Now I just need to finish the end of the semester super strong and get ready for the best summer ever! My namesake month in pictures….

Brunch from West Egg in Atlanta during my BFF staycation

I wore this wash n’ go for two weeks. Never again. Detangling was a nightmare.

materials for my Easter manicure

The finished product.

Easter dinner for 1. I was really proud of this dinner! Don’t judge my paper plate!

HELLO NYC!

The famous BBQ’s in NYC. That piña colada was SOOO good.

I hope the month of April showered you with joy!

I’m grateful that God has blessed me so that I may see another birthday 🙂